10 Lessons on How to Connect with Anyone

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First things first:

For English Speakers/Readers: English is not my mother language. Even when I try my best, I’m sure there will be typos in this post. Please bear with me and have a laugh every time you find some weird sentence :)

Para Lectores en Español: Hay una versión en español de este post en este link.

This is a long post, so I guess I should tell you first what you can expect from it. Here you’ll find:

• Various lessons and tools on how to Connect with great people and change your surroundings, and how I applied them in my life.
• You’ll get a clear insight on some ideas and advantages of online courses and communities that inspire a lot of the work we do here, and that will shape the Superhabitos courses that launch in September
• A review of the impact that the Course «How to Connect with Anyone» by Scott Dinsmore had on my life, what you can expect from it, and if it’s right for you.

Let’s go!

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Most people overestimate what they can do in one day but underestimate what they can do in a year.

Scott Dinsmore

374 days ago I felt like I was standing at a crossroad. Well, actually, that’s exactly what I was doing. My family had just survived a tough car crash and I was looking into the horizon hoping for someone to show up.

I’d never seen death that close, and it got me thinking.

On the way back home I promised myself that things wouldn’t be the same again. No more worrying about what people think I should do. No more hours in a desk doing stuff that I didn’t truly care about. No more sleepwalking and pretending everything was Ok. No more hiding my deep passion and beliefs. I was tired of feeling frustrated, alone and misaligned.

Since then I quit my job and started a blog with people I love (this one). It has turned into a beautiful community with people from all over Latin America and Spain. We created courses and sold them, have been interviewed by Local TV Shows and have been invited to talk at a TEDx Event.

Then about two days ago, I received an email from Scott Dinsmore asking me if I could write a blog post about my experience with the Connect with Anyone course. I smiled at the monitor, thinking it. Funny he asked such a question on this particular week.

It’s been a year since that literal/metaphorical crossroad and I can’t believe this much has changed. I could play the whole Terminator-meets-Rambo role and act like I did it all by myself, but that would be a huge lie. Each step of the way I was pushed, inspired or joined by a lot of people. No one does big things alone. Ever.

Today I want to share with you about a special group that has been, second only to the Superhabitos team, the one that impacted my life in the deepest way this year: the Live Your Legend/Connect With Anyone Community. This are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from them, and some stories behind each one.

#1. If you want to take a jump but are thinking too much, just surround yourself with people that push you

I subscribed to Live Your Legend in August 2012 and had been following the weekly posts there for a while. I also used every free tool available (even for planning my year in January). I was excited by the idea of finding and doing work you love.

But a part of me thought: «Well, that wouldn’t work in my situation, it’s just not realistic».

But the emails kept coming. Stories of people walking the talk and doing amazing things. Each week I had one less excuse and one more way of turning my passion into something real.

I thank God there are people in the world that won’t quit on you. Week after week I kept receiving those emails pushing me into action.

After a while, only one excuse kept me calm: I would follow that unknown path later. Maybe after college. Or after I made some money.

Then a stumbling car made me realize that my fear was sucking years out of me, and the truth is that no one knows how much time they have left here.

When the next email came in, I didn’t have any excuse or doubt: I signed in for the Live Your Legend courses, both Live Off Your Passion and Connect With Anyone.

Sometimes you know you want to go for something, but your inner barriers seem too hard to break. That’s when you have to start surrounding yourself with people that won’t let you stay put.

Maybe it’s a friend that you’re not meeting that often, or subscribing to a blog that will remind you each week about your purpose.

If you keep getting together with people that push you, soon the barrier in your mind will disappear.

# 2. Investing in yourself & learning to connect with people are two things you should take very seriously

Here in Superhabitos we are all about answering the how-to questions of entrepreneurs, and we don’t like answers that are too superficial or technique oriented. We go deeper, and we ask ourselves: what is it that makes a great entrepreneur great, even before they have an idea or opportunity?

The answer? Habits. Well, not all of them. Just the good ones.

Investing in yourself and your education is one of those habits. One of the reasons I almost didn’t sign up for the course was that I thought it was too expensive.

Now, you can spend years of your life trying to figure out things by yourself, or you can invest in the right books, courses and programs and learn way faster and in a systematic way.

Successful entrepreneurs spend time and money on themselves because they know every cent they spend comes back multiplied in opportunities, new ideas and years of doing better work. They know that «the wisest mind has something yet to learn«, and they live by that.

Another thing great entrepreneurs do is connect with others. They know it doesn’t just happen. It is something you’ve got to work on.

When I was a teenager I always thought that either you have friends or you don’t. People like you or they don’t. You connect or you don’t. Why? Because of who you are and where you were born.

Truth is quite the opposite: you connect because of daily actions. You’ve got to bring connecting under your control. That means learning from great connectors and thinking how you want people around you to be, who you would like to meet and especially what kind of community you would like to lead.

If you treat connecting as pretending to be someone you’re not, by tricking people into liking you and getting as much as you can out of every relationship, you’ll end up surrounded by people pretending to be someone else. They will, in turn, be tricking you and taking everything they can out of you.

If you start by accepting and knowing yourself, being honest, humble and upright, you connect with others by adding value to their lives and sharing experiences and knowledge with them. You will soon find that people around you are at peace and open with you. They look forward to help you in an unselfish way and they share opportunities with you.

What goes around, comes around.

Many years would’ve passed before I figured out this by my own. Investing in myself and buying the Connect With Anyone course made it easier to get things right sooner, and that’s why I was able to find mentors and peers in the path to starting a new business.

After all, to get different results you’ve got to change what you do everyday.

# 3. Is there something you should work on before going after the connecting habits?

Yes and no.

Let me explain.

On one hand: Yes, definitively.

It’s really hard to start connecting (or take advantage of the Connect With Anyone Course) if you don’t work first on your ability to keep the promises you make to yourself.

I have talked with several people that took the course. Some of them were doing great and some were not. What do you think sets them apart?

Those who are doing great are those that, beforehand, were committed to themselves and the changing process. Self-awareness, proactivity and prioritizing are abilities that you need in order to get the juice out of a great program such as Connect With Anyone.

On the other hand: no, no way.

Developing your connecting habits is a gradual process, and it’s never too early. You don’t need to be perfect or a buddhist monk first (certainly I wasn’t). You just have to make the decisions of take responsibility for your life and be willing to separate some time each week to work on yourself.

The fact is that the course is structured in order to start with the basics, then after starting it you will commit yourself and others to do the right work and that’ll help you to get your personal habits straight.

# 4. You don’t need thousands of people to change things. 5 is Ok

When you join Connect With Anyone, you’re offered to participate in a mastermind group with members of your class. This was by far the best thing for me in the Program. In fact, it was so great that from the moment we started Superhabitos we knew all of our courses would use the same approach, no matter how much extra work or time it would take.

A mastermind group sounds complicated, but it’s actually simple. It means getting people together who have the same needs or desires, then setting weekly or monthly meetings.

The group I joined in Connect With Anyone was called Team Spin, and included four amazing persons: Caro, from Panama, Daphne from San Francisco, Greg from Phoenix and Tony from New Haven (currently Montana). We are all in our 20s and eager to learn and try new things.

Just listening to them the first hangout amazed me. I couldn’t believe I had so much in common with people from such different places. We talk about common issues, share ideas on possible solutions, and provide tools to implement the solutions. Through this process, we all grew a lot.

For example, on the first month we all had talks with our families about what we actually wanted to do in life. I had postponed that about 10 times before the course. But then we shared this video and made a commitment of putting into practice. No more postponing ;).

Every meeting we set goals for the next week and we kept each other accountable. That way we stayed focused on changing our lives. Some of us started businesses, others developed new career paths and products and we all shared a laugh each week.

You don’t need a thousand people to go with you on an adventure. All you need is a tiny team that keeps you on track. We’ve tried this with our first course on Superhabitos, and the effects are the same. You won’t fall behind or find excuses, because you know there’s a Team ready to support you.

# 5. How much impact in the world you have is directly related to you joining (or creating) communities

If a Mastermind group can be powerful, imagine a community!

You might think your problems are weird and unique. But I can assure they are not. There’s people going through similar problems. There’s people out there with the same dream.

Now maybe there’s already a Community for people like you. If you want to love the work you do then Live Your Legend fits. Being tired of shallow and technical approaches to entrepreneurship might lead you into Superhábitos. If you think that the education system is fundamentally wrong, you can join Sir Ken Robinson’s Army.

It might happen, too, that there isn’t a community for what you want to do. If so, you should start your own.

That might sound hard. It certainly did for me. But don’t panic. With the right resources (see below) you’ll be up and running in no time.

Me and the SH team started by becoming Live Your Legend Local hosts in Salta. Then we decided to have a simultaneous meeting for Superhabitos readers. Now we host events the first Saturday of each month.

We could’ve never foreseen what that spark turned into. We get inspired every month by the progress stories of the attendeess, their energy and all the ideas that make the community grow.

I had no idea that there was such an amazing group of people in my city. I am sure that, along with many others in your city, you feel the same way. They’re waiting for you to summon them. You just have to be brave, stand out there and yell: «I believe this, and I’m looking for others to join me to make this reality.»

By the way, when it comes to this, don’t take my word for it, listen to Seth Godin’s!

# 6. It’s not bad to be an introvert.

This lesson hit me hard, and it’s a valuable one.

All my life I was criticized because of my quiet and introverted style of being, so I convinced myself that I needed to be more outgoing and extrovert. I tried, and suffered a little bit, but figured out it was the price I had to pay to be cool, right?

I was wrong, and thank Connect With Anyone for telling me so.

Being an introvert is just a different way of being. It means you don’t get your energy from being in large groups or social situations, but rather from one-on-one conversations and quiet solitude and reflection.

Understanding this is crucial, because you can stop forcing yourself into awkward situations and start doing things in a way that works for you. Turns out you don’t need to be the center of attention in a meeting to connect deeply with people.

By the way, if you haven’t yet, you should check this talk by Susan Cain.

# 7. Never in history has there been as many tools for connecting as there are today

Back in the really (really) old days, the only way to get in touch with someone was reaching out to their cave and talk to them. Maybe you’d draw some mammoths with them on the walls.

Then, in the not so old days, things changed a little. The mail and the telephone appeared. You could engage in conversations with people from different places. It was still hard and somehow expensive, but it was possible.

Now think about your life. I mean, seriously. Think about it: the same computer in which you’re reading this allows you to connect, instantly, with people all over the world.

You can use Google’s magic to find someone in your town. Or you can use it for finding forums of magicians or archaeologists or pretty much anything else. When you find them, you can email them, or tweet to them. If they’re up for it, you can talk 10 minutes later trough Skype or Hangouts with a guy across the globe. Then, maybe you can draw something on their wall.

The world changed, and there are tools that allow us to get the most out of it. Connect With Anyone was full of practical advice on this. We owe it to ourselves to make a great use of all the tools available.

# 8. You’re thinking too much about it. Connecting is simple.

When I first heard about Connect With Anyone my mind went directly to my high school days. Back when Robbie Williams was launching «Rock DJ» and I believed that in order to get a girl to like me I had to dress in a certain way or learn some magic words that would bring her into my arms. I hoped the course would be full of that kind of stuff.

But it wasn’t, and that’s great.

Connect With Anyone actually was a cold shower that reminded me that there are no instant success formulas and that you can’t manipulate others into liking you.

The funny thing is that connecting is actually far simpler: it’s about learning what makes you unique, taking care of people around you and paying attention to their needs and troubles. It’s about being a real human being instead of trying to go all James-dean on people.

# 9. Creating new surroundings is possible

A year ago I felt that me and the Superhábitos Team were alone in the world. Maybe alone isn’t the right word. Crazy is. We felt crazy.

Now we don’t feel like that at all. Why is that?

The world is the same, right?

There aren’t any social movements that say that creating courses online is better than being a lawyer. The Rolling Stones have not released a press communique saying they believe in carrying your belonging in a 28 liter backpack to be the coolest trend ever.

So why do we feel different now?

Because our surroundings have changed. As I said, a year ago no one we knew believed in what we believe, but now:

• I’ve met mentors from all over the world. Scott himself, John from Ecuador and Angel from Spain are great examples.
• We’ve talked live with other online entrepreneurs almost every week. That way we share the adventure with new friends form Mexico, Perú, Brazil, Spain, Chile, Honduras, El Salvador, the US and Germany.
• We’ve exchanged emails and conversations with guys such as Derek Sivers, Carl Honoré, big companies CEOs and long admired authors.

So, a year from starting, you can say that things worked, right?

It didn’t take a decade. It just took patience, the right steps and believing it was possible.

The same goes for you. Believe that things can be different and start walking the less traveled path. Soon you’ll be in an entirely new place.

# 10. You can start, today

Scott asked me to write an objective review. I don’t know if I can do that, because of how great my experience with the Connect With Anyone Course is. But I can write an honest one.

We all know that our surroundings can help us strive, or they can make it really hard to take off. Most of the time people complain about this, and I used to do that too.

The first habit we work here in Superhábitos is focusing in what you can do about things and stop complaining. Who you surround yourself with is something entirely in your control, and changing that can make everything else easier.

If you are reading this, either you’re a member of Live Your Legend Movement or one from the Superhabitos community, so I care about you, and I wish that you succeed and inspire others to follow their dreams. That’s what this is all about.

It is from that caring that I share this with you. Maybe you’ll do the Connect With Anyone course. Maybe you won’t. Either way, please start working on surrounding yourself with passionate, hardworking, loving, and funny people.

You can control that. And I hope you will.

 

So please:

• Check the work Scott and the Live Your Legend Team do here, and the course presentation here.
• Even if can’t afford the program, commit to changing who you connect with and surround yourself with people that won’t let you fail. If you feel lost and could use some help thinking how to, please don’t hesitate writing me at matias@superhabitos.com, or tweeting me @MatiasSalom.
• Check the Live Your Legend Local meet up site and see if there’s a group near you (that’s a great way to start). If there is not, consider becoming a host yourself. You can write me too with any questions about how to do that.

I hope this week is awesome, and I’ll be waiting to hear from you!

Mati

PS: THANKS to Greg Lloyd and Tony Dalton for reading this post and correcting my spelling mistakes. You guys rock!